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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Friday, July 8th, 2016|
The desire to stick my head in the sand is strong. Very strong. But I know that I cannot do that. The entire world may not be sad, but this country is. And a megalomaniac running it is not going to help things at all. I don't know what can be done. There are so many things wrong, who even knows where to start? Why is there so much hatred? It's deep and ingrained in a lot of people. So is a sense of superiority. It's scary. I am scared. And I should be. My heart hurts. Current Mood: distressed
|Tuesday, January 19th, 2016|
|Answer for question 4594.
What part of your job (or other daily routine) do you hate the most right now? Why is it so troublesome for you? If you could change one thing about your job (new boss, new co-worker, new location) to try to improve it, what would it be?
The lack of leadership. There are a bunch of people who are scared to make decisions in the decision-making positions. It creates chaos. Not organized chaos, but everyone doing their own thing, no one knows what to do chaos. I'm fortunate that my job isn't directly affected by most of that nonsense. If it was, I think I'd already be gone. It's a drain to be in that place because the morale is low. Change has to happen because this isn't sustainable.
|Monday, March 12th, 2012|
|Live and Let Die
Ripping off.... (and in Axl's voice, not Paul's)
When I was young and my heart was an open book
I used to say live and let live
But when this ever changing world in which we live in
Makes me give in and cry
Say live and let die
I remember freshman year of college after my roommate lied and I was through with her I put on our door whiteboard thing a 'Deep Thoughts.... by Jack Handy'.... "Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you."
Yeah. That. I did take a chill pill and this will go. But until then, I will enjoy thinking about taking some anger out in my own specially devised way. And will take solace in the notion that payback is always a bitch :) Current Mood: enraged
|Saturday, October 29th, 2011|
While I already have to pay a lawyer to handle something that I shouldn't have had to, I may as well take care of everything a lawyer can help me with at the same time. When this is all over I should be able to relax and breathe a sigh of relief. I am really looking forward to that. I need it. And my vacation.
|Thursday, September 29th, 2011|
|Writer's Block: Love hurts
What’s the best way to mend a broken heart?
Only love can break a heart. Only love can mend it again :)
Though time and clarity can do a very nice job of it also. So maybe loving yourself is the answer.
|Wednesday, August 17th, 2011|
|Writer's Block: American idol
What is the one song you must sing at karaoke?
Well, if I have to choose just one... "Give It To Me, Baby" by Rick James.
I am getting great ideas for songs to try though...
|Thursday, July 28th, 2011|
|Writer's Block: Crime pays
Do you think that criminals should be able to profit from selling their memoirs, after serving jail time?
No. But they will continue to and people will continue to buy them anyway.
|Monday, July 11th, 2011|
|Writer's Block: Going the distance
Would you uproot your life and move to another city for someone that you love?
It depends. I already did that once (technically twice) for someone who turned out to be a lying POS. Not sure I'd be able to trust someone enough to uproot my life (and my child's) for love. Life gives no guarantees, but maybe I'd do it as a midlife crisis type of deal, lol. My rational self couldn't.
|Saturday, August 7th, 2010|
|Writer's Block: Take a (second) chance on me
Have you ever given a friend or partner a second chance? What were the consequences? Any regrets?
Yeah. I wouldn't say there were exactly consequences, but it never should've happened. A lot of people say the word "sorry" when it means absolutely nothing to them. It's like a rote response- something they're supposed to say. When someone says "sorry" and then continues to do the same thing over and over with no trying to change behaviors... So yes, I regret giving a second chance. And it makes it that much harder for the next because I've learned that the first instinct is right 99% of the time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...
|Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009|
|Writer's Block: Like mobile for chocolate
If you had to give up either chocolate or your mobile phone forever, which would you sacrifice?
Don't be crazy... the phone. There are other modes of communication :)
|Friday, September 25th, 2009|
|Writer's Block: Sleep on it
Did you ever say anything to someone in anger that you lived to regret? Did you apologize? If so, did it bring you closer?
We all have said things in anger that we have regretted. There are some things that I may have apologized for and others not. But just because it's said in anger doesn't mean it isn't the truth and how we really feel. It's just that when we're not angry at the person, we care more about their feelings, etc and try to avoid hurting their feelings. So, did apologizing bring us closer? I doubt it. It depends on what was said, not the apology for saying it.
|Thursday, September 10th, 2009|
We denied help to someone today that needed $5000 in repairs to their car. Dana is all about if the car is worth that much, etc. He knows a lot about cars and that stuff. He reminded me that I need to get mine checked out because it should be time to replace the timing belt (over 100K miles now). Said it would be a chunk of change. Fortunately, when I called Firestone, I was informed that a '99 Corolla doesn't have a belt, but a chain. Chains don't need to be replaced. Word!! That's what's up :)
|Monday, January 19th, 2009|
|Saturday, September 20th, 2008|
I heard a commercial ad for 'Two and a Half Men' where Charlie asks the teen if he's a good role model and the kid answers something about him sleeping with different women and face should be on money. It made me think about the way TV puts such an unrealistic picture out there. Yes, I know that TV is an escape. Problem is that it seems many people are viewing it as realistic even though they know it's fiction. Someone who sleeps around that much should be shown being tested for STDs every month. Not a special episode thing, but a regular part of his life. Because in reality, it would have to be. Or he would be one of the 20% of people walking around with herpes who don't know it (that ad gets me every time).
Maybe that is the difference between regular TV and HBO. I remember on SATC the women talking about it. Not every episode, of course, but a few times it was part of the storyline. Charlotte got crabs. Miranda had to make a list of every guy she'd slept with and inform them she had an STD. Samantha got tested for AIDS, etc. Fiction, but life at the same time.
I read an article a few weeks ago on research done about how these 20-something guys are graduating college but not growing up. Yeah they work, but their maturity level is of a 14 year old or something. They don't want any kind of responsibility. They live together like frat houses, spend all their money on partying, and don't date but look for "friends with benefits" instead. The article did bring up that people don't have any idea what life is like possibly because of the messages in these fairy tale tv shows. I can only feel sorry for any woman who ends up married to those guys. When reality hits, it's not going to pretty.
When I was in CT, my sister put on "Meet the Browns". When it was over I asked her what in the world made her think I wanted to watch such junk. I'm not capable of suspending belief that much. The guy's life essentially stopped while he was up in Chicago chasing after the mom. And the son is playing basketball a week after getting shot. Just stuff like that. Geez. Not for me.
|Tuesday, March 18th, 2008|
I hate liars. Absolutely, positively, with every fiber of my being. Hate them. Those that tell "little white lies". And those that tell big whopping lies that are like a giant's boot stepping on your neck and crushing the bones in your throat so you can choke on your own blood. Doesn't matter. One's not better than the other. Still lies.
Hatred is not a good thing. Maybe I'll work on it.
All I know for sure is that I will not be taking the blame for what happens. Appearances mean little to me. Honesty is more important than what others think. And people need to be honest with themselves too. Cause that's another form of lying. And quite a destructive one.
|Tuesday, March 4th, 2008|
Lina and I didn't watch all of American Idol. She had a bath and some other things. But we did see the last performance (Chikezie), which she didn't like. After watching the recap, she said she liked one of the girls. I just had to laugh to myself since it was the guys singing tonight. I had her point out to me which one she meant- Jason Castro. I have to agree. The other week I didn't think he sounded good at all. But I liked him this week. And Lina did too. Even though I don't respect white-boy dreads, lol.
Luke- don't bring the George Michael unless you're going to bring it. Current Mood: amused
|Sunday, March 2nd, 2008|
|people need to grow the &$*(# up
I have absolutely no sympathy for this idiot. If you're still pining for an ex, go live in a cave and don't date anyone else. The show didn't break up your marriage. Being in love with someone else while getting married to one guy, cheating on your husband, and wishing you were with an ex did. And you thought you were a good person? Give me a break. A good person wouldn't have brought anyone else into that mess of a life.
I've been thinking about that kind of thing lately anyway. SATC reruns on TBS are on the ones where Carrie gets back with Aidan so she can mess him up again. Why do people think that kind of thing is okay? Maybe TV shows and fairy tale endings are to blame. Life is not a fairy tale. Current Mood: annoyed
|Saturday, February 2nd, 2008|
A year ago I joined Weight Watchers. I've always been big and don't particularly have that much of a problem with it. I joined because I was starting to have to go up to the next size. And that was unacceptable. I'm a weight maintainer. And that higher number was not going to be it.
I have now thrown away 24 pounds. (I'm changing from saying "lost" because I'm not looking for that weight again. I want it gone... down the garbage disposal.) That's an average of 2 pounds a month. And it's great! I'm very pleased. That bigger size that I bought a few pairs of pants of are now way too big. I will have to give them away. I have a picture from last April or something. In two months I will put on the same outfit and take another picture and the difference will be obvious.
I'm going to take this as it comes. But in my mind, the goal for this year is to average 3 pounds a month gone. I'm excited thinking about having to buy a size of pants that I have never bought in my adult life. Current Mood: good
|Friday, February 1st, 2008|
Not too much new. I'm still tired. That may be for the rest of my life though. I'll get used to it.
Lina's doing pretty well. We have settled into our routine. The mornings aren't as hurried as when we first moved. Some days it's hard to get out of bed so I'll just call and go in at 9 instead. We don't need the whole day off, just a little more time. The past couple of weeks she's been getting up at night and getting into my bed. It's fine for now. Sometimes I ask her why but I don't think she knows. It doesn't bother me. She gets in and we go back to sleep. Sometimes she'll ask about seeing Terry again. She liked talking about her sadness. I'll ask Terry if I can bring her again one time. I'd rather her talk and get the sadness out than turn it inward. And there's a reason I didn't become a counselor...
She's really something else though. She's a great daughter. I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes I need to get away. She'll "mama" me to death. Every five seconds. Sometimes I think I'm crazy to do what I plan to do.
It's been coming for a long time. I will verify with the social workers that they help pay daycare costs and then I will sign up for the classes to become a foster mother. Lydia got me thinking about it again and I have thought about it for years. She says that even though I'm exhausted now, having another child in the house won't really make it worse. Because the children can play with each other. And that's good. I'm hesitant to give up my free weekends though. I'm working on getting past that selfishness. When Lina is with her father, the other child will still be with me. It's hard. It's a block. But it'll be alright.
I talked to Lina a little about it a few weeks ago. That she would share her room with another little girl. She liked the idea. Then asked if the girl's parents would miss her. She told her father that another girl is going to come live with us... "And then she's gonna go back to her parents." And that's right. They must have some way for talking with children already in the home. I'll ask about it at the classes.
And if it doesn't go well, we'll try again in a few years. But yeah, I never wanted Lina to grow up as an only child. Granted, I'm only 31 and I could have another child, but I won't hold my breath. There's such a need for foster homes. So many children need good parents. And while I'm not perfect, I'm a damn good mother.
Another possibility is to do respite for the foster parents. It's very short-term and would just provide a little extra income. With another BGE hike planned for the summer, I will need to do something. And with doing respite, I can decline to take a child at any time. When my coworker and his family went to Jamaica for three weeks their foster child didn't go with them. So some other family had to be watching him. That could work too. And maybe I'll still have a free weekend sometimes. Because I'm tired. And having a quiet house is needed sometimes. Current Mood: okay
|Thursday, January 3rd, 2008|
|what a day
First, Lina lost her mind this morning. She was not happy that I put an undershirt under her sweater. So she decides to defiantly pee on herself- standing there looking at me.
Then, I thought the work day wouldn't be that bad. But of course, I thought wrong. I hate it when there's just nothing that can be done to help someone.
And now, I get home and there's a letter on my door about a complaint of noise in the early morning. I had to laugh, but I just didn't need that now. I will explain to them tomorrow that there's no way the noise is coming from my apartment in the early morning because I stay in bed as late as I possibly can, get my child up, get dressed and get out the door. And for that matter, there's never any loud music because I rarely get to listen to music.
Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.
Think I'll listen to some music now... Current Mood: indescribable